Panic and worry happened. I panic when I look at people and worry that people don’t know about their wishes, their plans, and that their lives are not written down anywhere. I worry that there are things I don’t know about people that are important and I worry that I am unable to tell their story when they are no longer able to. How will I remember their life story when I can barely remember what I did this morning? Who is going to pass on these stories to generations to come? Does anyone really care? How do they want to be remembered?

I believe that when you are gone, you are gone and as much as people’s beliefs in the spiritual and religious realms provide comfort and support, details may always be missing. Some of the pages in our life’s diary are blank and it’s all too late to capture the important facts. For those left behind a lifetime of what if, where is, how do I? Did I do this as expected, did I forget anything? What do I need to know? What would they have liked? What were their wishes? Life is full of regrets of the living without complicating it by having regrets about dying and death.

In helping to organise my mom’s funeral and previously for my grandmother’s and biological father’s funeral, I worried about simply ‘basic’ things in funeral planning but in a moment of complete grief it was highly important to get it right. What colour coffin lining do you want? Embalming or no embalming? What type of funeral? Celebrant or religious leader? What coffin, flowers, songs, hymns, poems, readings, photos, clothing, shoes, type of burial, where are the passwords, where is the bank account, what about superannuation to pay for the funeral, life insurance info, any death benefits to be paid? The questions are endless, but they must be asked; anxiety, restless nights ensued for me, and I craved just one last conversation with my mom so that I had the answers which may have provide me with more comfort and less regret. That conversation will never happen.

I am still unable to think of one other time in my life highly fuelled with emotion that I have had to make so many life changing and potentially regretful decisions – can you?