Skip to content
Facebook Instagram
  • Log In
  • Register
  • Log In
  • Register
Facebook Instagram

Login

My Account

Register

  • Home
  • Our Purpose
  • Memberships
  • ICE
  • Support
  • Contact
Menu
  • Home
  • Our Purpose
  • Memberships
  • ICE
  • Support
  • Contact

My Story

I lost my 64-year-old mother on Saturday 25th February 2017.  I knew it was coming.  We all did. 

On the 28th September 2016 I received the call that has changed my life. Mom had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung and liver cancer. It came from ‘nowhere’ and was aggressive. In that very moment my world fell apart. Suddenly everything became a race against time. Without treatment Mom had 2 weeks left to live and that roulette wheel started to spin.  We know that tide and time wait for no man, right?

My Mom Maddie was fiercely independent, she knew what she wanted, always had done. She was pragmatic and accepted the death sentence with grace, dignity, and fortitude. I will always admire her for that. Very rational and accepting, Mom started planning (or so I thought) Mom told me that there was nothing to worry about. I was hesitant to ask questions as I felt reassured by her comments with regards to end of life planning. She told me she would write down passwords, organise accounts so that my Pops would be able to carry on without her with minimal stress. The reality – she ran out of time and passed away 21 weeks and 4 days after she received her diagnosis.

“Don’t think of me as gone away, my journey’s just begun. Life holds so many facets, this earth is only one”

What happened then?

Panic and worry happened. I panic when I look at people and worry that people don’t know about their wishes, their plans, and that their lives are not written down anywhere. I worry that there are things I don’t know about people that are important and I worry that I am unable to tell their story when they are no longer able to. How will I remember their life story when I can barely remember what I did this morning? Who is going to pass on these stories to generations to come? Does anyone really care? How do they want to be remembered?

I believe that when you are gone, you are gone and as much as people’s beliefs in the spiritual and religious realms provide comfort and support, details may always be missing. Some of the pages in our life’s diary are blank and it’s all too late to capture the important facts. For those left behind a lifetime of what if, where is, how do I? Did I do this as expected, did I forget anything? What do I need to know? What would they have liked? What were their wishes? Life is full of regrets of the living without complicating it by having regrets about dying and death.

In helping to organise my mom’s funeral and previously for my grandmother’s and biological father’s funeral, I worried about simply ‘basic’ things in funeral planning but in a moment of complete grief it was highly important to get it right. What colour coffin lining do you want? Embalming or no embalming? What type of funeral? Celebrant or religious leader? What coffin, flowers, songs, hymns, poems, readings, photos, clothing, shoes, type of burial, where are the passwords, where is the bank account, what about superannuation to pay for the funeral, life insurance info, any death benefits to be paid? The questions are endless, but they must be asked; anxiety, restless nights ensued for me, and I craved just one last conversation with my mom so that I had the answers which may have provide me with more comfort and less regret. That conversation will never happen.

I am still unable to think of one other time in my life highly fuelled with emotion that I have had to make so many life changing and potentially regretful decisions – can you?

And now?

Since 2017, I have set about finding a way to help myself and others

  •  I need to make sure that those I leave behind will not have to worry (I have been told that I am a control freak so I might as well get everything organised!)
  •  I don’t want my loved ones to worry about the clothing I am wearing in my coffin, and I want them to know my passwords and information about my finances
  •  I want them to know that I am sorry for certain things I have said and done, how I feel about them and what loving them and their love for me means to me
  •  If I am no longer able to speak for myself, I need them to know what I do and don’t want them to do. I don’t want them wasting any of their precious time on earth wondering, worrying, and questioning decisions. I will take that away and if there are any questions, they may have then I want them to know that “I don’t care about that, so I don’t expect you to either, just make a decision that you are happy with and move on

Having attended a funeral of a close friend who died after a long journey with cancer, leaving behind two adorable school aged boys and a loving husband, I decided that I didn’t want a funeral as I felt that it’s too sad and a massive expense. I said I wanted a party or a holiday on me to have fun, explore, experience, and make new memories. My friends were upset with me, they told me off. They reminded me that a funeral isn’t for my benefit, more for theirs and they wanted to celebrate my life and then party! That’s all good I guess (except the money bit as I hate to see people being ripped off by services especially when people are vulnerable in times of grief!). I could go on, but I won’t!

Welcome to TellThem4Me® and the legacy of my beautiful Mumma Madeline Ann Coles

TT4M_logo_rgb_submark_beige

Helping you prepare your loved ones for a time when you can’t

  • My Story
  • Privacy
  • Security
  • Terms of Use
  • Affiliate Program
  • Cookies
  • Disclaimer
  • FAQ
  • My Story
  • Privacy
  • Security
  • Terms of Use
  • Affiliate Program
  • Cookies
  • Disclaimer
  • FAQ

TellThem4Me® acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of the land throughout Australia on which we operate, live, and gather, and recognises their continuing connection to land, water, culture and community. We pay our respects to Elders, past present and emerging.

ABN – 81 631 945 189

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Cookie SettingsAccept All
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT